California day 4

August 4

No visit to Los Angeles could be complete without a visit to Hollywood, so today's program was built around getting us there and doing Hollywood properly.

We walked across the lot to Denny's for breakfast – grits again for me; a vegetarian omelets for Razelle – then we set out to join the thousands upon thousands of vehicles on the wide, wide pavement of Los Angeles's vital traffic arteries (and veins?) to see Hollywood. Steering within the lines of my chosen lane was a bit of a challenge, but I understood that I would just have to cope with this, and that was that.

But first, we visited a massive electronics store called Fry's. A clerk at Radio Shack told me when I inquired there in vain about the dashboard charger for my laptop that Fry's was the most promising place to search for it. And so it was, because that's where I found it. Fry's truly puts every other electronics store I've ever seen to shame, for the sheer volume and variety of products it carries. (This one featured an Alice in Wonderland theme, with astute commentary about how Lewis Carrol's writings presaged Albert Einstein's famous theories.)

We topped up our by-now half-full tank of gas before we returned to the familiar freeway and soldiered ever onward, like army ants migrating en-mass with a purpose toward an unspoken destination. Finally, we parted from them and the ubiquitous freeway at a Hollywood exit and, after a couple of turns on city streets, we found ourselves facing the famous letters straight ahead of us up the street near the top of the hill: HOLLYWOOD. We had to avoid people posing in the middle of the street for photographs of themselves against this landmark backdrop. Our GPS was programmed to take us up through the winding streets of Hollywood so we could get a closer look at this sign.

I noticed, as we returned afterwards to a major intersection among the grid of streets below that the van's engine was now hot and a warning icon, shaped like an engine block, was glowing on the dashboard. I pulled into a service station to check the water level. It seemed a bit low so I added about a cup's worth, up to the stain mark inside the reservoir bottle, so I could monitor its level later against this reference mark.

I called New Jersey again. I described the symptoms in detail to the voice in New Jersey. I told him I was doing my best to take care of his vehicle and was concerned enough about it to stop and protect his property from damaging itself. However, under such conditions, I was afraid to keep it as my rental vehicle for the remainder of the trip. I asked him to exchange it for a different one. The voice in New Jersey told me he had no other such vehicles. He assured me that this was a new engine, recently installed, and that since the temperature hadn't set off an alarm then it was still within safe parameters and I could drive it with confidence. He asked if I had opened the gas cap. I said I had, to buy gas today for the first time. He said that the warning light was probably related to an improperly fitting gas cap and not an engine issue at all. He asked if I planned to travel to San Francisco. I said yes, but not right away. He said there is a mechanic there connected to "Road Bear" he trusts who will fix the warning light and the overheating (non-)issue. When I am a couple of days out of San Francisco I should call again and he will then notify the mechanic to expect me. I wasn't happy that I still had to drive this vehicle, but at least I felt that the voice in New Jersey was working with me to resolve the problem.

Razelle and I continued a few more blocks and parked the van in an all-day flat-fee parking lot, one block from Grauman's Chinese Theater -- THE epicenter for all things Hollywood. There is such a hive of activity here. Everyone set up here is trying to earn a buck or two, selling, promoting, posing, cooking for and singing to tourists from the four corners of the earth who have converged here to take away some of the essence of that which epitomizes Hollywood.

Just to aim your camera at the footprints at Grauman's and the stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame takes patience with so many milling around and wandering into your viewfinder. We posed our stuffed toy monkey on top of the star of Kermit the Frog (his favorite actor).  

We found a fast-food restaurant above street level that was quite empty, where we could sit and drink pink lemonade. Buy one cup and you can go back over and over again for refills. This was where a helmetless Darth Vader came to refresh himself between sessions on the street posing for photos with the tourists for a dollar a shot. I engaged Darth in friendly conversation about the rigors of his line of work. Cat Woman came by, also, but she wasn't as chatty. She had only left her post to turn her wad of ones into larger bills. She looked so sexy and "catty" in her costume that I guess she gets hit upon too often to be interested in small talk the way Darth was. That's her prerogative and I can understand it.

Razelle was not feeling well. She was borderline miserable, in fact. Her gut was not cooperating. It was very frustrating to me that my van and my wife were both out of sorts at a time when we should have been enjoying this opportunity to immerse ourselves in the entertainment industry. Razelle knows so much about the film industry that I was certain this would speak volumes to her. But when one doesn't feel well, it's hard to focus on anything else. Such was the case for Razelle.

I managed to prevail upon Razelle to join a tour of the celebrities' homes. We boarded a closed minivan at Grauman's and our guide/driver poured out a steady stream of fascinating information for the next two hours. We stopped frequently outside the walls and gates and hedges of celebrities whose names we knew, whose works we appreciated and whose gossip we had knowledge of. The most lasting impression I will take away from this experience is the difference between the open yards in the neighborhood that Lucille Ball, Aretha Franklin, Peter Falk, Jack Benny, W. C. Fields and the Gershwin brothers lived in, versus the secluded properties in neighborhoods today's targets of paparazzi, like Jonny Depp, Christina Aguilera, Julia Roberts, Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston live in now. We also saw famous landmarks along the Sunset Strip – the club where River Phoenix succumbed, the club where Goldy Hawn first performed as a go-go dancer and the Italian restaurant that Steve Martin loves to patronize. We saw the park where celebrities walk their dogs on Mulholland Drive and the high fashion stores that line Rodeo Drive, along with the Beverly Wilshire Hotel where "Pretty Woman," featuring Richard Geer and Julia Roberts, was filmed. All in all, this was a very comprehensive tour that I think was well worth the investment ... but only once in one's life. Unfortunately, the two-and-a-half-hour tour was about one hour too long for Razelle in her state of discomfort. She was desperate to find the restrooms when we returned to Grauman's.

 The tour included free admission to Madame Toussaint's Wax Museum, right beside Grauman's Theater. We expected it to be rather hokey, but went in anyway. We were entirely wrong about that! We had a wonderful time interacting with the likenesses of celebrities we'd give our eye teeth (and other choice parts of our anatomy) to be able to spend time with, if given half a chance.

 I posed with Rachel Welch, Razelle posed with Paul Newman and Robert Redford. I got to hold Cameron Diaz's hand; Razelle danced with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, sipped tea with Audrey Hepburn at Tiffany's, and posed with Charlie Chaplain – each with their respective canes. I sat and schmoozed with Jack Nicholson, advised Steven Spielberg on the next shot and joked with Robin Williams.

We left there thoroughly satisfied with how our day in Hollywood had ended. We returned to our van and drove all the way back to our motel. It was after 11:00 PM, and still, the traffic on the freeways was substantial. Razelle was amazed to see that Los Angeles never seemed to stop humming. We finished our day fully exhausted and ready to sleep. We had much to dream about – and soon were.